my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
