whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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