i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
