Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
