Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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