Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
tell me about the fingering
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