oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
