farters have to be the big spoon...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
