i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
