I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
