Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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