Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
