he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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