waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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