I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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