yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
