Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
