just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
