I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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