i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
