Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
