marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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