Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
