Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
