i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
