he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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