He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
