dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
