The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
