before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
