i love accidental penises.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
