He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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