Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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