dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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