I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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