i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
