u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
