he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
