Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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