I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
