My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
