I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize