all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
