well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
