What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
