we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
