getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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