Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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