When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
