First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize