So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up