I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.