You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Enjoy the penises
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.