Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.