I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
