That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dating After Heartbreak
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.