Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.

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  (813): dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though. http://tfl.nu/527j
  Replies (13) Good night (1542) Bad night (475)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".

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  (403): I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby". http://tfl.nu/2blo
  Replies (49) Good night (611) Bad night (3374)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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  (864): A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier! http://tfl.nu/9qgj
  Replies (107) Good night (1933) Bad night (5678)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

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  (440): Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs http://tfl.nu/58d0
  Replies (15) Good night (5631) Bad night (942)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this

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  (864): Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this http://tfl.nu/9hno
  Replies (9) Good night (4487) Bad night (1312)
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  (661): View more from California

  God gave him joint rollers for hands

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  (661): God gave him joint rollers for hands http://tfl.nu/1evx
  Replies (10) Good night (3106) Bad night (980)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.

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  (416): i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino. http://tfl.nu/gey0
  Replies (3) Good night (1505) Bad night (881)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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  (305): Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her. http://tfl.nu/ismz
  Replies (19) Good night (2128) Bad night (547)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything

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  (781): Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe (617): Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything http://tfl.nu/wlv3
  Replies (12) Good night (2045) Bad night (644)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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  (+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety http://tfl.nu/7rit
  Replies (9) Good night (2650) Bad night (535)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis

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  (860): He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis http://tfl.nu/bzb9
  Replies (4) Good night (976) Bad night (640)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.

  (972): View more from Texas

  Wine is not your friend.

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  (817): I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories. (972): Wine is not your friend. http://tfl.nu/ofhm
  Replies (7) Good night (613) Bad night (1388)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja

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  (973): She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja http://tfl.nu/0g6m
  Replies (9) Good night (1491) Bad night (603)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night

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  (306): I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night http://tfl.nu/ov8q
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (742)
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  (831): View more from California

  So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great

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  (831): So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great http://tfl.nu/lton
  Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (664)

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