Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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