i already hear my dad disowning me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
