This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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