Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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