I have demons in me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
