I think I died a long time ago.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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