STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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