so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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