I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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