Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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