The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
