My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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