Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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