First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
