Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
