You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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