You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
