woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
3pm strippers are depressing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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