look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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