i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
