He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
