you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
