i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Bring me that man meat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
