3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a hot homeless man
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
