I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
