Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
