Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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