I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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