Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
