My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
